101 Ways To Live Better: Stop Spending Money On Shit

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our fifteenth post is: STOP SPENDING MONEY ON SHIT

Did you know there are $30 subscriptions you can sign up for where a bot scans sites like amazon and ebay for items under a dollar with free postage and ships them to you automatically? One a day, every day, so you have the joy of opening packages?

You don’t know what these things are. You don’t need them. However, they are paid for, wrapped in packaging that will become landfill, shipped in trucks, boats and planes that require fuel and create pollution, for… what? For you to have the momentary joy that comes from opening a package? Then what? All that stuff clutters your home, or you throw it out, or you give it away.

This terrifies me. This is consumerist culture at its most extreme. Cutting out even the joy of shopping, of finding, of wanting and just cutting right to ‘having’. A momentary rush of dopamine and adrenaline.

Evolutionary psychologists tell us shopping has biological roots. Particularly if we believe the idea that men are hunters and women are gatherers. Seeking food and resources was vital to human survival, it is a behaviour that evolution has to reward, to keep the species alive. However, fruit and honey has been replaced with handbags, knick nacks, and in my case, fluffy socks.

Acquiring things we want gives us a rush, in the same way calorie dense foods give us a rush, because it is good for our long term survival. However, we have created a world where we can go to huge buildings full of things we want, more than we can possibly have, and we can get that rush whenever we want, as often as we want.

But what we can’t do is house all the crap we have brought. Our crap buying and consuming is not sustainable. It's dangerous. And despite the rush we get, it offers us no long-term benefits. What did you impulse buy in April last year? You can’t tell me. What about June when you were 17? December 5 years ago?

Research suggests you are better off spending money on experiences, not possessions. Read Mari Kondo’s ‘The Magic Art Of Tidying Up’ which will give you a new perspective on how you view the objects in your home and their value.

And if you are going to impulse buy, try and buy things that are helpful rather than harmful. Buy from local, family run businesses. Buy plants and make your neighbourhood greener. By ethically sources, biodegradable things. Stay away from chain stores, plastics and clothes made from unnatural fibres. Buy second-hand, from charity stores. Learn to cook and splurge on exotic fruits and meats (preferably ones without too much packaging) or buy for community kitchens and help cook for people who need it. Impulse buy digital books instead of physical ones, and feed an author, while saving a tree.

But remember, in the long term, you are more likely to remember the great time you had when you hired kayaks and went out on the lake with your family than you are to remember how awesome it was when you brought another dress and heels. You won’t even remember what you were wearing during your best, happiest memories (your wedding notwithstanding, but I honestly can’t remember what a single one of my friend's wedding dresses looked like, all I remember is how happy they looked).

Be happy. Stop spending money on shit. For everyone’s sake.

101 Ways To Live Better: Be Honest

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our twelfth post is: BE HONEST

None of us like to think of ourselves as liars, however the average person lies, however according to a 2002 study conducted by the University of Massachusetts, 60% of adults can't have a ten-minute conversation without lying at least once. But even that number makes it sound better than it really is; those people in the study who did lie actually told an average of 3 lies during their brief chat. (Source: http://mentalfloss.com/article/30609/60-people-cant-go-10-minutes-without-lying)

However, in most cases, in day to day life, we aren’t lying to be deceptive. We are lying to be polite, or else we are lying because we are scared or want to spare people’s feelings and a white lie will allow things to run smoother. EG: If our best friend asks if we like their new haircut and we think it looks awful, we are scared of making her feel sad with the truth, so we tell a lie.

Maybe we want to avoid a fight, or we feel guilty. The important thing is, we generally lie to avoid a negative consequence, or perhaps more importantly, a negative emotion.

However, it's hard to feel like a trustworthy, honest person if we lie all the time. Even if we ignore those lies, we still know we are telling them. We know we are being dishonest. And its will slowly erode our self-confidence and our self-value.

I’m not advocating being mean. Being honest requires tact and a deep, genuine empathy for other people’s feelings. However, often the results of being honest are not as bad as we think they’re going to be.

Take the friend with the bad haircut. You wouldn’t tell her it looks terrible, that would be cruel. However, telling her it looked good is a lie. Instead, if she seems uncertain, you can say: “It's such a huge change, I think it's going to take a few days for me to get used to it. Do you like it?”

If she’s beaming about it, you can say: “Oh wow! The cut is a bit far out for me, but you look so happy and confident!”

What if your friend asks you if he looks like he has put on weight, and he has? It's better to be honest. I would say: “Yes, but that’s easy fixed. Do you want to go to the beach on Saturday instead of chilling on the couch all day?”

With that answer, you’re being honest, but you’re saying it's not a big problem. You’re even offering to help with the solution.

Of course, the most important person to be honest with is yourself. We lie to ourselves all the time, even though we are in our own heads and we know we are lying. Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop pretending you believe them. If you’re on a diet, don’t tell yourself it's okay ‘just this one time’ to eat half a cake while watching netflix. It's not, you know it's not. Make yourself a healthy snack, do something to keep your hands busy. You’ll feel proud of yourself and your own integrity.

Just like with your friends, be tactfully honest with yourself. Be kind and genuine and loving in your honesty. This isn’t an excuse to beat yourself up, because usually those negative thoughts are lies too.

Soon you’ll begin to learn you are someone you can trust and so will everyone else.

101 Ways To Live Better: Plan For The People You Love

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our sixth post is: PLAN FOR THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE

I have nightmares about forgetting birthdays.

If there is a worse feeling than hurting a loved one because you forgot their special day, I don’t want to know what it is. Maybe you’re not great at keeping track of the date and you forget Christmas, Valentine’s Day and your Anniversary too. Maybe you don’t care about those things and you don’t think it’s a big deal.

However, it probably is a big deal to the people you love and if you love them, I know you wouldn’t want to be hurting them just because you’re forgetful. Particularly because once it’s done, it’s done and it’s very hard to undo.

I live out of my day planner, I have said it before. When I get a new day planner, usually in November or December some time, I put aside a few hours to go through and write in all the birthdays of the people who really matter to me, and any other important dates I need to remember, like close friend’s anniversaries. I never rely on facebook to remember people’s birthdays if I really care about them. Some of my friends don’t have their birthday listed on facebook and every year I am the only one who remembers to say happy birthday to them!

For the people I need to get special gifts for: my mother, my brothers, my best friends, etc, I put another reminder a week BEFORE their birthday. ‘Gift for X’s birthday.’ That way, I am reminded a week early and can go and shop for something really awesome.

It’s no good only having a reminder ON the day, particularly if you live with that person. Then it becomes obvious when you have to rush out and get them something!

If you don’t use a day planner, find another system. Your phone’s digital calendar might work. Or google planner. You may even want to find a system that lets you send emails on a set date and email yourself.

And remember, sometimes remembering a bad day is as important as remembering a good day. Don’t be like the ex-friend of mine who decided to read me the riot act on the first anniversary of my father’s death. If someone’s family member dies, make a note of it and give them a little extra care on that day. Few people will remember the exact date of tragic events, but you can bet they do.

Just a little effort in late December will make sure you have plenty of time all year to buy gifts, make reservations and send special messages to the people you love, to show them that they really do matter to you. That even though you are forgetful sometimes (and we all are), you care enough about them to make a note and remember when it matters.

If you want advice on how to shop for the perfect gift though, you’re going to have to wait for a future blog post!

101 Ways To Live Better: Organize Your Space

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our fifth post is: ORGANIZE YOUR SPACE

Everything you own should have a home, somewhere in your house where it belongs. That includes your handbag or wallet, incoming and outgoing mail, your remote controls, your keys, your shoes and all those other miscellaneous things that end up lying around on the dining table and kitchen bench. After all, its very hard to tidy your house and put things away if they don’t have anywhere to go!

I am a firm believer in the KonMari method of cleaning out clutter, which boils down to clearing your home of everything you don’t use and don’t love. Paperwork that must be kept can be scanned and stored digitally, but for a few vital documents like birth certificates. Clothes that don’t fit, that you don’t love, that don’t suit you, should all be donated. You don’t need as many clothes as you think. I have two dresses, about ten shirts and five pairs of pants. I don’t own any skirts. I also have three jackets and two pairs of shoes. That, for me, is plenty for all seasons and all occasions. Buying new clothes is a big deal for me and I only buy good quality things I can wear most days.

Even if you don’t like the KonMari method, it still helps a lot to have places to put everything, to make life more manageable.

If you are like most people, you will struggle to find homes for everything simply because there is not enough space in your house. However, it will be easy if you have cleaned out all those hundreds of items you don’t like, don’t need and never use.

I am someone who can’t tolerate what is referred to as ‘visual noise’. Remember when you were a teenager and you put up a collage of your favourite bands and actors on your wall? Or maybe you have a displace case full of trinkets. Or stacks of books everywhere.

I find that stressful. I like empty spaces and clean lines. So, my workspace is quite sparse with one or two focal items that I love.

Yours doesn’t have to be. Some people love visual noise and having collections and art all around them in a riot of colour and shapes. That’s great too, but make sure all the things around you are things you have chosen. There is a huge difference between posters and figurines from your favourite movies and a pile of dirty washing you haven’t put away.

It is also important a space be functional to you and what you want to use it for. Before decorating and arranging a space, write down how you would like to spend your time in it, what its function is going to be.

If you want your dining room to be a place where the family connects, don’t situate the table in a way everyone can still see the TV. If you want your office to be where you work, don’t store the kids’ toys, or set up your Xbox in there.

Sitting down and really thinking about how you want to use your spaces, will probably lead to you thinking about what is most important to you in life, how you wish you were spending your time. You might decide to get rid of your TV completely! Or at least put it in a cupboard you can close, so it’s not always there—a huge unblinking void in the middle of your space.

Not me though, I love my TV. Mine pivots so I can see it while I am cooking and while I am on the treadmill, but I also use it for audio books and music.

Organize your space and take pride in it, it’s your space, organized for your needs, not just a dumping ground for your stuff.

101 Ways To Live Better: Good Bed, Good Shoes

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our fourth post is: GOOD BED, GOOD SHOES

Most people spent their lives either wearing shoes or in bed. The periods we are not wearing shoes or in bed are exceptions. In between times. You could say the same about clothes, of course. However, clothes don’t affect our health in the same way as shoes and beds.

Posture and sleep are both vital to our longevity. Our spine is the core of our bodies and our bed and shoes will affect our spine’s health as much as how we sit and how we exercise. Yet for some reason, many people don’t invest in comfortable beds and supportive shoes.

The quality of your sleep affects a lot more than just your posture. It affects your mental health, your weight loss, your alertness, your digestion and your satisfaction with life. You’re going to spend a third of your life in bed. Buy a good one! Yes, a good bed can be very expensive, but think of a bed like a car. A big, important purchase. One you expect to have to save for—and one that will cost you a lot more in the long run if you end up with a lemon!

When it comes to shoes, women tend to make much worse choices than men. Women sacrifice comfort and health for aesthetics—in particular heels—which are terrible for your legs and spine, no matter how good they make your ass look.

Buy good quality, supportive footwear without a heel. Save being tall for special occasions. Make sure to find shoes that fit properly and that don’t require you to hurt muscles to walk in. If you aren’t sure what the best sort of shoe is, see a podiatrist.

Remember, the world’s most famous foot model refuses to wear heels except while she is working and only then while the photos are being taken. She doesn’t want to damage her feet. So, if a foot model refuses to wear them, imagine what they are doing to you.

Buying good shoes and a good bed are worthwhile investments. Personally, I’d rather just have three pairs of really good expensive shoes (everyday, fancy and outdoors/hiking) than 40 shitty pairs that hurt my feet, fall apart and ruin my spine. It also makes choosing which shoes to go with my outfit really easy. In fact, it makes organizing my wardrobe and buying new clothes really easy too. I don’t have to wonder if they will go with any shoes I own, because I am probably already wearing the shoes in question. It makes life simple, comfortable and uncluttered.

And imagine how nice it would be to get a proper night’s sleep? To wake up rested and without any aching parts? No sinus issues, no back pain, no fatigue. And when you are buying a good bed, buy nice sheets and replace your pillows with good quality pillows every six months.

Investing in a good bed is like investing in education. Its serving your future. And you don’t need all those shoes anyway.