101 Ways To Live Better: Be Honest

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our twelfth post is: BE HONEST

None of us like to think of ourselves as liars, however the average person lies, however according to a 2002 study conducted by the University of Massachusetts, 60% of adults can't have a ten-minute conversation without lying at least once. But even that number makes it sound better than it really is; those people in the study who did lie actually told an average of 3 lies during their brief chat. (Source: http://mentalfloss.com/article/30609/60-people-cant-go-10-minutes-without-lying)

However, in most cases, in day to day life, we aren’t lying to be deceptive. We are lying to be polite, or else we are lying because we are scared or want to spare people’s feelings and a white lie will allow things to run smoother. EG: If our best friend asks if we like their new haircut and we think it looks awful, we are scared of making her feel sad with the truth, so we tell a lie.

Maybe we want to avoid a fight, or we feel guilty. The important thing is, we generally lie to avoid a negative consequence, or perhaps more importantly, a negative emotion.

However, it's hard to feel like a trustworthy, honest person if we lie all the time. Even if we ignore those lies, we still know we are telling them. We know we are being dishonest. And its will slowly erode our self-confidence and our self-value.

I’m not advocating being mean. Being honest requires tact and a deep, genuine empathy for other people’s feelings. However, often the results of being honest are not as bad as we think they’re going to be.

Take the friend with the bad haircut. You wouldn’t tell her it looks terrible, that would be cruel. However, telling her it looked good is a lie. Instead, if she seems uncertain, you can say: “It's such a huge change, I think it's going to take a few days for me to get used to it. Do you like it?”

If she’s beaming about it, you can say: “Oh wow! The cut is a bit far out for me, but you look so happy and confident!”

What if your friend asks you if he looks like he has put on weight, and he has? It's better to be honest. I would say: “Yes, but that’s easy fixed. Do you want to go to the beach on Saturday instead of chilling on the couch all day?”

With that answer, you’re being honest, but you’re saying it's not a big problem. You’re even offering to help with the solution.

Of course, the most important person to be honest with is yourself. We lie to ourselves all the time, even though we are in our own heads and we know we are lying. Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop pretending you believe them. If you’re on a diet, don’t tell yourself it's okay ‘just this one time’ to eat half a cake while watching netflix. It's not, you know it's not. Make yourself a healthy snack, do something to keep your hands busy. You’ll feel proud of yourself and your own integrity.

Just like with your friends, be tactfully honest with yourself. Be kind and genuine and loving in your honesty. This isn’t an excuse to beat yourself up, because usually those negative thoughts are lies too.

Soon you’ll begin to learn you are someone you can trust and so will everyone else.

101 Ways To Live Better: Spend Time With Family & Friends

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our eleventh post is: SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

What is the number one thing that people regret on their deathbed? Not spending more time with family and friends. What is the number one indicator for overall life satisfaction and happiness? The quality of and individual’s connection with their family and friends. Why do unmarried men die much earlier than married ones? Because men rarely forge the bond with friends that women do. Single men die of loneliness. Baby animals, given all the warmth and food they need, still die without contact with a parent or surrogate. Human babies, denied affection, show ‘failure to thrive’ and may never learn to walk or talk or even crawl.

Humans are social. Without socialization, we suffer, we even die. However I hope no one reading this blog is at that end of the extreme. I hope you all have friends, if not families, who love you. This blog post isn’t about avoiding death though, its about making the most of the connections you do have with friends and family, so you, and they, live longer and happier lives.

Great connections are like amazing gardens. They don’t happen spontaneously. They require some degree of knowledge and planning, they start slow and ugly and build, with lots of care, time and effort, into something productive and beautiful. They may look effortless and natural, but that is part of the charm. Don’t be fooled, the people with great relationships with family and friends are working on them constantly.

The most important thing is to make time for people. Its a busy age. We all have a lot on. You need to prioritize the things, and people, that are most important to you and tend to those things first. Don’t cancel plans with people unless you are on death’s door. Keep your promises, be reliable, so people understand how much they mean to you.

You should also aim to have quality time. Don’t do the same thing, day in, day out. Go to different places, have new experiences, make time to talk, alone, without distractions or do things you can work as a team. Go beyond the superficial and forge connections that matter to you, in a way that matters to you.

It is also important to remember relationships go both ways. Have standards for people’s behavior. If you are the only one sustaining the friendship and putting effort in, its not really a friendship. You’re just a fan. You don’t have to tolerate that. Put effort into the people who put effort into you. Don’t be afraid to cut someone out of your life if they don’t treat you with love, respect and mutual enthusiasm. Trust me, the moment you stop wasting time on those people, people who are excited to spend time with you will come into your life.

Most importantly, remember this is about being happy around people you enjoy. Its not a mission. Its not a job. Its something you want to develop to be happier and live longer. Take joy in the times you spend with friend and family, be grateful you have them and one day look back on your life with joy.

101 Ways To Live Better: Plan For The People You Love

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our sixth post is: PLAN FOR THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE

I have nightmares about forgetting birthdays.

If there is a worse feeling than hurting a loved one because you forgot their special day, I don’t want to know what it is. Maybe you’re not great at keeping track of the date and you forget Christmas, Valentine’s Day and your Anniversary too. Maybe you don’t care about those things and you don’t think it’s a big deal.

However, it probably is a big deal to the people you love and if you love them, I know you wouldn’t want to be hurting them just because you’re forgetful. Particularly because once it’s done, it’s done and it’s very hard to undo.

I live out of my day planner, I have said it before. When I get a new day planner, usually in November or December some time, I put aside a few hours to go through and write in all the birthdays of the people who really matter to me, and any other important dates I need to remember, like close friend’s anniversaries. I never rely on facebook to remember people’s birthdays if I really care about them. Some of my friends don’t have their birthday listed on facebook and every year I am the only one who remembers to say happy birthday to them!

For the people I need to get special gifts for: my mother, my brothers, my best friends, etc, I put another reminder a week BEFORE their birthday. ‘Gift for X’s birthday.’ That way, I am reminded a week early and can go and shop for something really awesome.

It’s no good only having a reminder ON the day, particularly if you live with that person. Then it becomes obvious when you have to rush out and get them something!

If you don’t use a day planner, find another system. Your phone’s digital calendar might work. Or google planner. You may even want to find a system that lets you send emails on a set date and email yourself.

And remember, sometimes remembering a bad day is as important as remembering a good day. Don’t be like the ex-friend of mine who decided to read me the riot act on the first anniversary of my father’s death. If someone’s family member dies, make a note of it and give them a little extra care on that day. Few people will remember the exact date of tragic events, but you can bet they do.

Just a little effort in late December will make sure you have plenty of time all year to buy gifts, make reservations and send special messages to the people you love, to show them that they really do matter to you. That even though you are forgetful sometimes (and we all are), you care enough about them to make a note and remember when it matters.

If you want advice on how to shop for the perfect gift though, you’re going to have to wait for a future blog post!

Romance 101 – Week 9

Romance Tip 09:

- Be clean, well groomed and exfoliated.

Single? I always think there is something a little bit sexy about a really good shower. Having a full morning, afternoon or even a whole day of body pampering is a sure fire way to make yourself feel confident. I’m not talking about a day spa or spending a hundred dollars at the hairdresser. Instead, I am recommending a head to toe overhaul at home.

It’s good to keep things simple, so I’m not going to suggest any fancy tools or equipment. However you will need a loofah, shower cap, pumice stone, basic nail care supplies, shampoo, conditioner and maybe a nice body wash and moisturiser.

Start in the shower by washing your hair, but when you get to the conditioner, put on a shower cap and let it sit for five to ten minutes before you rinse. Remember to always rinse your conditioner in cold water.

Lather up your loofah and lightly scrub every inch of your skin. The idea is to remove dead skin particles, plus the light massage effect will bring more blood into the skin and make it look younger. Don’t forget around your toes and the undersides of your feet. If you shave, now is the time!

Next, when your skin is soft from the water, use the pumice stone on the tough skin on your feet. Sometimes it helps to use it once, wait ten minutes, and then go over the same areas again.

Once out of the shower, it’s a good idea to towel dry your hair. Blow dryers will damage it. You should also never brush hair when it’s wet, as it’s more likely to break. Make sure you dry yourself thoroughly. Wet skin, particularly in intimate places, leads to ickiness.

If you have some patches of skin that a prone to dryness, slap on some moisturiser. I don’t like to use a lot personally, unless it’s very weather dry and my skin is itchy.

There is some debate if it’s better to wax before or after showers. Afterward, the hair follicles are more open, so it’s less painful. I recommend after, but if you’re messy and often need a shower to clean up, do it before! Take the time to tweezer your eyebrows too. Remember to pluck from the bottom, not the top, so you don’t lose your natural shape.

Now it’s time to sit down and do your nails. Use nail scissors and a nail file to trim and shape—starting with your toes, them moving up to your hands. Even if you don’t like coloured polish, you should put on a three-in-one shine, protect and grow formula, which you can get at the chemist. Having nice nails, hands AND feet, is important, regardless of gender or season!

You should be fresh, clean and feeling pampered. You look great too, take my word for it. Now you’re ready to go out and meet Mr or Ms Sexbomb!

Dating? We love our partners, but sometimes we can be just a tiny bit lazy about things like eyebrow plucking and exfoliating. I don’t think we should always have to look our best with our partners. I think a happy relationship is one where the weekends can be spent in pyjamas with our hair in ponytails and socks that don’t match. However, personal grooming is something that you should never get slack on, with the obvious exceptions of bad colds and other serious illness.

Being clean and well groomed is not just good for your health, but it’s respectful to your partner. Curling up with someone who has dry, flaking skin, bristly hair patches and gnarly toes isn’t nice. Even if you love them, it’s just not sexy!

Men and women deserve a partner who meets a certain standard of grooming—not just in the early stages of the relationship when you’re trying to impress, but in the later ones too. Love your partner. Exfoliate!

Remember! Always be water wise! It’s hard to do hundreds of things in the shower without spending a lot of time in there. I have long hair and it seems to take hours to wash. If you’re doing something lengthy that doesn’t require running water—shaving your legs for example—you can always fill a jug to rinse the razor in and leave the taps OFF while you shave.

Definitely don’t spend any time daydreaming in the shower. Even when you have a lot to do in there, get in and out as quickly as you can! Water is a precious and limited resource.

Romance 101 – Week 4

Romance Tip 04:

- Remember the important dates.

Single? Are you always forgetting dates important to the people you love? It doesn’t mean you love them less, just that sometimes it’s hard to connect numbers to special occasions. Social networking sites like facebook remind you of birthdays on the day they happen. However when it comes to the people closest to you, you need a week or two to prepare things like gifts, restaurant bookings, cake, cards or whatever else is appropriate. Facebook also doesn’t remind you of holiday events, such as valentine’s day, religious holidays or your parents anniversary.

If you have a mobile phone or day planner you use regularly, you can put in a small amount of effort today to save a yourself a lot of pain and hassle later. First, make a list of the people who matter most to you, or whom you need to remember dates for:

- Your partner

- Best friends

- Siblings

- Mother and father

- Grand parents

- In-laws

- Close work mates

- etc.

Next to their names, make a list of the events you need to remember relating to that person. Eg:

- Birthdays

- Anniversaries

- Valentine’s Day

- Religious holidays

- Christmas

- etc.

Now check when those dates are and write them down. Look in your old day planner, ask people to confirm if you aren’t sure and check social networking sites. Now you have the people, the events and the dates they occur on. The next step is deciding how long you will need to remember in advance to plan appropriately.

Create an event in your mobile phone calendar, or make a note on the relevant page in your day planner. For things like birthdays, you should make a note at least a week in advance, so you have time to get a gift and don’t have to run around madly at the last minute.

If you are likely to promptly forget after receiving the first message, make an event notice for every day leading up to the important one. EG:

- Seven days until mum’s Birthday

- Six days until mum’s Birthday

-etc.

You can also make notes of what you should be doing each day.

- Shop for gift (week in advance)

- Buy cake (day in advance)

- Order flowers

- etc.

Dating? Having a partner forget your birthday or anniversary is very painful and none of us want to make our partner sad. So even if you don’t make the effort to do this for anyone else, do it for the one who has decided to spent the rest of their life with you.

Make sure to give yourself plenty of planning time, and remember restaurants can’t always be booked at the last minute. If possible, try and book two weeks in advance at fancy places.

Scheduling may not seem like a sexy, romantic thing. Some people seem to believe we should remember to do these things organically, as if we’re thinking about them all the time. However life can be busy and tiring and everyone forgets. The results will speak for themselves and taking the time to make sure you remember IS sexy.

Remember! Always make the effort to say Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary to people if you remember, even if you don’t like them much. We all deserve to feel special and important once or twice a year and your thoughtfulness will make them like you more too!

Romance 101 - Week 1

Hello there! And welcome to my first ever blog post.

Every week, typically on Wednesday (Tuesday for the Americans!) I will be writing a new post on tips to up the romance in your life. Each tip will have a solo version for all the single people, and variation for those with a partner. As much as possible, they will be written in a way that is accessible and applicable to men, women, gay and straight people. Romance does not discriminate! Romance is for everyone.

ROMANCE TIP 01:

- Post a handmade card.

Single? Go to an arts supply store, collect some old magazines and make someone a handmade card. You don’t need a great reason to send one. Choose a friend or family member who has been sick, overworked, tired, sad or lonely and write a little message that says something like: “This card is to remind you how awesome you are.”, “Just to remind you you are appreciated.” Or “This is for being you.”

My number one best tip here is to google ‘handmade cards’ and look at the image search. Find a design you think is awesome and pretty much copy it, sequin for sequin. Do this before you go to the art supply store, so you know what you’re looking for. You can also spray some perfume or cologne on the card before you post it.

Whoever receives your card will be touched someone was thinking of them. It will make their day and I promise making someone else feel loved will make you feel fantastic.

Dating? Most of us tell our partners we love them every day, however taking the time to not only make them a card, but then to post it will be a charming surprise. It does help if they’re the one checking the mail! Don’t just say that you love them in the card, say that you appreciate them—be specific.

“Thank you for looking after me while I was sick.” Or “Thank you for driving when I had a headache last week.” Will make the card seem more sincere, and it will encourage them to be thoughtful again in the future.

Remember!

In the same way smiling at a stranger will give you both a rush of endorphins and make you both happy, doing romantic and thoughtful things for others will make your life feel as if it is full of romance. Giving is as good as receiving and I promise the more you give to people, the more you will get in return.

Just remember to give for the sake of giving. If you act only because you want something in return, people will sense it and you’ll be left feeling frustrated and unappreciated. Practise selflessness and the universe will reward you with generous abundance.