101 Ways To Live Better: Be Honest

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our twelfth post is: BE HONEST

None of us like to think of ourselves as liars, however the average person lies, however according to a 2002 study conducted by the University of Massachusetts, 60% of adults can't have a ten-minute conversation without lying at least once. But even that number makes it sound better than it really is; those people in the study who did lie actually told an average of 3 lies during their brief chat. (Source: http://mentalfloss.com/article/30609/60-people-cant-go-10-minutes-without-lying)

However, in most cases, in day to day life, we aren’t lying to be deceptive. We are lying to be polite, or else we are lying because we are scared or want to spare people’s feelings and a white lie will allow things to run smoother. EG: If our best friend asks if we like their new haircut and we think it looks awful, we are scared of making her feel sad with the truth, so we tell a lie.

Maybe we want to avoid a fight, or we feel guilty. The important thing is, we generally lie to avoid a negative consequence, or perhaps more importantly, a negative emotion.

However, it's hard to feel like a trustworthy, honest person if we lie all the time. Even if we ignore those lies, we still know we are telling them. We know we are being dishonest. And its will slowly erode our self-confidence and our self-value.

I’m not advocating being mean. Being honest requires tact and a deep, genuine empathy for other people’s feelings. However, often the results of being honest are not as bad as we think they’re going to be.

Take the friend with the bad haircut. You wouldn’t tell her it looks terrible, that would be cruel. However, telling her it looked good is a lie. Instead, if she seems uncertain, you can say: “It's such a huge change, I think it's going to take a few days for me to get used to it. Do you like it?”

If she’s beaming about it, you can say: “Oh wow! The cut is a bit far out for me, but you look so happy and confident!”

What if your friend asks you if he looks like he has put on weight, and he has? It's better to be honest. I would say: “Yes, but that’s easy fixed. Do you want to go to the beach on Saturday instead of chilling on the couch all day?”

With that answer, you’re being honest, but you’re saying it's not a big problem. You’re even offering to help with the solution.

Of course, the most important person to be honest with is yourself. We lie to ourselves all the time, even though we are in our own heads and we know we are lying. Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop pretending you believe them. If you’re on a diet, don’t tell yourself it's okay ‘just this one time’ to eat half a cake while watching netflix. It's not, you know it's not. Make yourself a healthy snack, do something to keep your hands busy. You’ll feel proud of yourself and your own integrity.

Just like with your friends, be tactfully honest with yourself. Be kind and genuine and loving in your honesty. This isn’t an excuse to beat yourself up, because usually those negative thoughts are lies too.

Soon you’ll begin to learn you are someone you can trust and so will everyone else.

101 Ways To Live Better: Plan For The People You Love

Welcome to my 101 series, which explores 101 little things you can do to improve your day to day life, and the world, just a little bit.

Our sixth post is: PLAN FOR THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE

I have nightmares about forgetting birthdays.

If there is a worse feeling than hurting a loved one because you forgot their special day, I don’t want to know what it is. Maybe you’re not great at keeping track of the date and you forget Christmas, Valentine’s Day and your Anniversary too. Maybe you don’t care about those things and you don’t think it’s a big deal.

However, it probably is a big deal to the people you love and if you love them, I know you wouldn’t want to be hurting them just because you’re forgetful. Particularly because once it’s done, it’s done and it’s very hard to undo.

I live out of my day planner, I have said it before. When I get a new day planner, usually in November or December some time, I put aside a few hours to go through and write in all the birthdays of the people who really matter to me, and any other important dates I need to remember, like close friend’s anniversaries. I never rely on facebook to remember people’s birthdays if I really care about them. Some of my friends don’t have their birthday listed on facebook and every year I am the only one who remembers to say happy birthday to them!

For the people I need to get special gifts for: my mother, my brothers, my best friends, etc, I put another reminder a week BEFORE their birthday. ‘Gift for X’s birthday.’ That way, I am reminded a week early and can go and shop for something really awesome.

It’s no good only having a reminder ON the day, particularly if you live with that person. Then it becomes obvious when you have to rush out and get them something!

If you don’t use a day planner, find another system. Your phone’s digital calendar might work. Or google planner. You may even want to find a system that lets you send emails on a set date and email yourself.

And remember, sometimes remembering a bad day is as important as remembering a good day. Don’t be like the ex-friend of mine who decided to read me the riot act on the first anniversary of my father’s death. If someone’s family member dies, make a note of it and give them a little extra care on that day. Few people will remember the exact date of tragic events, but you can bet they do.

Just a little effort in late December will make sure you have plenty of time all year to buy gifts, make reservations and send special messages to the people you love, to show them that they really do matter to you. That even though you are forgetful sometimes (and we all are), you care enough about them to make a note and remember when it matters.

If you want advice on how to shop for the perfect gift though, you’re going to have to wait for a future blog post!

Romance 101 – Week 8

Romance Tip 08

- Do your partner’s chores.

Dating? I hope that all partners who live together have divided the household chores in a sensible and fair way. Interestingly, studies show that in households where men do 50% of the household chores, both partners are happier and the relationship is more likely to last. It’s important for relationship health that everyone does their part to keep the household running. However there is nothing nicer than dragging yourself into the kitchen to do the dishes and seeing they have already been done and that the kitchen is spotless!

Simple gestures like this can really show our partner we love them. It seems mundane, but there are plenty of women out there who tell you cleaning up and cooking dinner the sexist thing a man can do. And guys always appreciate the opportunity to sit down and relax... particularly if they would otherwise be sweeping out the garage.

Single? It doesn’t matter who you live with, the theory is the same. Clean up for someone, wash the dog or do some dishes. Mop the floors. I am sure there are endless things you can do that will really make the day of your family or housemates. If you live alone, this is a little trickier. If you have a friend who is sick, disabled or has a new baby, offer to come over and cook them dinner—then clean up afterward! It will be deeply appreciated and they’ll love you all the more for the gesture.

Remember! Some tasks require special skills, or at least, a basic knowledge of how things work. If you’ve never done washing before, your kind gesture may turn into a fight when you throw her jeans in with her $100 bra, or your red cap in with her whites. My housemate never checks if the arms in the dishwasher can spin, and as a result I have to re-load the dishwasher and wash the dishes again 50% of the time.

If you are going to do someone’s chores, do them properly.

Romance 101 – Week 4

Romance Tip 04:

- Remember the important dates.

Single? Are you always forgetting dates important to the people you love? It doesn’t mean you love them less, just that sometimes it’s hard to connect numbers to special occasions. Social networking sites like facebook remind you of birthdays on the day they happen. However when it comes to the people closest to you, you need a week or two to prepare things like gifts, restaurant bookings, cake, cards or whatever else is appropriate. Facebook also doesn’t remind you of holiday events, such as valentine’s day, religious holidays or your parents anniversary.

If you have a mobile phone or day planner you use regularly, you can put in a small amount of effort today to save a yourself a lot of pain and hassle later. First, make a list of the people who matter most to you, or whom you need to remember dates for:

- Your partner

- Best friends

- Siblings

- Mother and father

- Grand parents

- In-laws

- Close work mates

- etc.

Next to their names, make a list of the events you need to remember relating to that person. Eg:

- Birthdays

- Anniversaries

- Valentine’s Day

- Religious holidays

- Christmas

- etc.

Now check when those dates are and write them down. Look in your old day planner, ask people to confirm if you aren’t sure and check social networking sites. Now you have the people, the events and the dates they occur on. The next step is deciding how long you will need to remember in advance to plan appropriately.

Create an event in your mobile phone calendar, or make a note on the relevant page in your day planner. For things like birthdays, you should make a note at least a week in advance, so you have time to get a gift and don’t have to run around madly at the last minute.

If you are likely to promptly forget after receiving the first message, make an event notice for every day leading up to the important one. EG:

- Seven days until mum’s Birthday

- Six days until mum’s Birthday

-etc.

You can also make notes of what you should be doing each day.

- Shop for gift (week in advance)

- Buy cake (day in advance)

- Order flowers

- etc.

Dating? Having a partner forget your birthday or anniversary is very painful and none of us want to make our partner sad. So even if you don’t make the effort to do this for anyone else, do it for the one who has decided to spent the rest of their life with you.

Make sure to give yourself plenty of planning time, and remember restaurants can’t always be booked at the last minute. If possible, try and book two weeks in advance at fancy places.

Scheduling may not seem like a sexy, romantic thing. Some people seem to believe we should remember to do these things organically, as if we’re thinking about them all the time. However life can be busy and tiring and everyone forgets. The results will speak for themselves and taking the time to make sure you remember IS sexy.

Remember! Always make the effort to say Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary to people if you remember, even if you don’t like them much. We all deserve to feel special and important once or twice a year and your thoughtfulness will make them like you more too!

Romance 101 - Week 1

Hello there! And welcome to my first ever blog post.

Every week, typically on Wednesday (Tuesday for the Americans!) I will be writing a new post on tips to up the romance in your life. Each tip will have a solo version for all the single people, and variation for those with a partner. As much as possible, they will be written in a way that is accessible and applicable to men, women, gay and straight people. Romance does not discriminate! Romance is for everyone.

ROMANCE TIP 01:

- Post a handmade card.

Single? Go to an arts supply store, collect some old magazines and make someone a handmade card. You don’t need a great reason to send one. Choose a friend or family member who has been sick, overworked, tired, sad or lonely and write a little message that says something like: “This card is to remind you how awesome you are.”, “Just to remind you you are appreciated.” Or “This is for being you.”

My number one best tip here is to google ‘handmade cards’ and look at the image search. Find a design you think is awesome and pretty much copy it, sequin for sequin. Do this before you go to the art supply store, so you know what you’re looking for. You can also spray some perfume or cologne on the card before you post it.

Whoever receives your card will be touched someone was thinking of them. It will make their day and I promise making someone else feel loved will make you feel fantastic.

Dating? Most of us tell our partners we love them every day, however taking the time to not only make them a card, but then to post it will be a charming surprise. It does help if they’re the one checking the mail! Don’t just say that you love them in the card, say that you appreciate them—be specific.

“Thank you for looking after me while I was sick.” Or “Thank you for driving when I had a headache last week.” Will make the card seem more sincere, and it will encourage them to be thoughtful again in the future.

Remember!

In the same way smiling at a stranger will give you both a rush of endorphins and make you both happy, doing romantic and thoughtful things for others will make your life feel as if it is full of romance. Giving is as good as receiving and I promise the more you give to people, the more you will get in return.

Just remember to give for the sake of giving. If you act only because you want something in return, people will sense it and you’ll be left feeling frustrated and unappreciated. Practise selflessness and the universe will reward you with generous abundance.